October 20th, 2010

• Just over 2 years since we found out we were expecting the sweetest squishiest baby ever.
• 16.5 Months since we had said Squishy Baby.
• 500+ days of our lives.
• Easily over 3000 Nursing sessions.
• Hundreds of hours of bonding time.
• One formally 10lb 2 oz baby, Now a healthy 26+lb 33inch Toddler.
• Cracked nipples.
• Un-totaled amounts spent on nipple creams, nursing bras, breast pads and other breastfeeding paraphernalia.
• Pinch marks.
• A million sweet smiles hidden sweetly behind my breast.
• 14 teeth.
• A few bite incidents.
• Countless public boob flashes.
• A place where sleep kissed both of our eyelids from time to time.
• Sweet Hands on Mama's Face.
• Soft baby skin for me to rub with love.
• A lot of hard work.
• A lot of love.
• An end of a chapter.
• A healthy beginning.
• A sad and sweet moment for me.
• A reminder of Roots and Wings.

My son has been fighting his only nursing session of the day. The past few weeks, nursing has only been frustrating for him, and work for me. Last night I nursed for the last time. I am thrilled to have made it this long. I am counting my blessings. I am sad it ended this way. I always thought it would be him nursing, gazing into my eyes, me knowing it was our last time nursing. A tear or two. A sweet end to a rough beginning.

Instead I knew it was the right thing to do. My son self-weaned himself. I had gotten him to a point where he was ready to be done. I just thought it would last longer, and end different. I am kind of numb to it right now. Despite the fact that my son was ready, my breasts are still feeling full having not nursed in over 24 hours. I knew being a mother would be filled with ups and downs, but I never realized it you could be filled with such sorrow at the same time as you are proud to have made it this long.